Spelling

And the challenge words: erase, mixture, race

Changes pending -

9/22
'k I changed the opening line of the poem. It was "With time on the wane", but I've changed it to the "Atop rumpled blankets". And I have two reasons (actually I have three, but you can just guess the third):

1) I wanted an image not a statement to establish the tone of the poem, and this one (with it's wrinkles) suggests enough about the passing of time and a day on the wane to satisfy me. The more I read it, actually saying "With time on the wane" seemed too formal for me; it was like saying "O.K., I'm going to try and say somehting significant now." And I just hate that. 2) This particular image seems appropriate to the adult/child exchange described here - it sets the stage for coziness and all.

I also moved O.K. up a line for rhythm and image considerations.

And with that, I think I'm done here

9/24
'k - I've made one last change to the order of the italicized spelling words in the last three stanzas. I'm getting really anal retentive here probably and ought to let it go, but, well, I didn't so there. Now it ends with the last three lines of the poem both finishing the rest of the poem, and also standing alone if desired as a complete thought of their own. After she read the poem, my best friend in the whole world said, "I like it" and then she asked - how did I think it would work if it ended with "gripping life", and I thought "Well, lets just see." and I did and I think I like it this way. I think it's notably stronger this way in a couple ways. Soooo at the risk of being irritating I'm going to resend it just this one last time. But that's all for this, I swear.

Dave Prisk