Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


Nowhere else to be; untroubled
leaves shaking the sun.
©2009 *b1gfan
:iconb1gfan:

Author's Comments

Two lines can take forever;
and you know, they won’t give it back.


Someday I will stop working myself into exhaustion - I will write about Penelope, about Neda, about houses, elections, and sin.

Dave Prisk

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconpseudometry:
Two lines can take forever;
and you know, they won’t give it back.

Haha. Nicely put.
Very tranquil image, and I like how you capture the motion with 'shaking the sun'; it avoids the trite, and shaking the sun almost seems a counterpoint, but to my mind serves to reinforce the gentle nature of the motion.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconthis-epiphany:
I love, love, LOVE two lines like this - with impact. Both reading and writing them.

Very well done. At first I read it as "untroubled leaves shaking in the sun", and I thought it was okay; when I re-read it properly as "untroubled leaves shaking the sun", I liked it so much better.

--
I'm running away.
catch me if you can.
:icontworoads:
Short poems can have tremendous effects if written right. ;) Think you got it.
Missed ya, Dave.


`n


--
i'm a million different people from one day to the next.


:bulletblack:Member of : *The-Labyrinth-Club:bulletblack:
:iconb1gfan:
Why thank you Jamie :D That is such a kind and thoughtful response - and in that way it's so you. :highfive:
:iconb1gfan:
:glomp: Thank you Noah. I need to get my discipline back and stop letting what's urgent interfere with what's important. Unfortunately I haven't been strong enough for that of late, but someday - maybe soon :)
:icontworoads:
:hug:
Life is life, ;)


`n


--
i'm a million different people from one day to the next.


:bulletblack:Member of : *The-Labyrinth-Club:bulletblack:
:iconb1gfan:
Awww, you are wonderful and it's so sweet of you to say that Stephanie - thank you my buddy! :heart:
:iconpseudometry:
I speak only truth (at least, so far as my perception is accurate) :D

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconthis-epiphany:
anytime. :)

--
I'm running away.
catch me if you can.
:iconamynnah49:
booo to you dave. boo to you and your endless talent that leaves mine pailing in comparison to you. boooooo!

welcome back. i missed you <3

--
Here’s the truth about the truth: it hurts. So we lie.

Details

August 20
147 bytes

Statistics

57
25 [who?]
268 (0 today)
2 (0 today)

Site Map